Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Confessions of a techno-dunce

I find it highly ironic that this vintage English major has managed, albeit not gracefully, mind you, to facilitate the publishing of two books via e-submissions. Let me give you one brief vignette illustrative of my technological expertise:  Tech support person:  "First, you have to open all your windows."  Vintage English major:  "Are you nuts?  It's freezing outside."

So...I limp my way along the Internet and pray my computer will learn to understand me.  My techno-savvy daughter says I need search engine optimizing-action on my website.  Yeah, right!  My writer friends, who surely must NOT be English majors, indicate the necessity of linking my website and blog to Facebook and uploading (downloading?) pictures--many pictures.  Sure, I can do that!  In my dreams. And, then there was yet another tech-support person who instructed me to,"...go to your cache (cash?) and cookies..."  I wanted to tell her there is no bakery within 25 miles, but instead I just I hung up on her.

Whereas, I love the fact I do not have to make constant trips to post office and mail box in order to deal with queries, manuscript submissions and galley proofs, I hate my inability to bond with my laptop.  Husband says, "You just have to know how the computer thinks."  Truly, I don't give a rat's behind how it thinks--or feels.  I simply want it to work the same way every time I use it without calling me "illegal" or x-ing me out with a loud bonging sound.  Why does it suddenly decide a certain website is no longer available?  The site was available yesterday.  Did it go on vacation?  Is it out to lunch?  Sigh.  What would Emily Dickenson have done? http://www.facebook.com/

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